Indian Dating Problems: A foreigner Review

This blog is a result of a long conversation with a foreigner,  I was travelling around India, i met this american guy Mr. Fred Garcia at Delhi metro station and we had a long conversation and when i ask Fred about his perception on Indian Dating, i was stunned from his response and impressed both, he said I'm american, but I've got several female Indian friends. I do think that it's true that compared  to similar-aged american women, it is a little bit more tricky to get Indian girl or women to date you. from his perceptive there are two reasons for this:

1: Sexual harassment and sexual assault.

There is a lot of this in India. Every one of my friends that I've talked to about this topic, reports being harassed continuously, cat-calls and rude comments is a weekly, or in some cases daily, occurrence and groping or other forms of sexual assault seems very common.

When a lot of men treat you very badly, it is reasonable to become skeptical of men in general, especially men who approach you with romantic or sexual intentions. How can you know if this man will treat you with kindness, respect and friendship, or if he will instead sexually assault you? Fear is a huge turn-off for most people, especially for women because in most cases men are bigger and stronger so the women have most reason to feel fear.

The single thing you can do to make Indian (or any!) women flirt with you? Make them feel safe. Make it clear to them, in words and actions, that it is SAFE to flirt with you. 

When you come from a culture where a lot of men treat women badly, it will take some time to establish that. It is easier to get a Norwegian woman to trust you, but the reason is quite simply that she will likely have a lot less negative experiences with men.

2: A culture of slut-shaming.

In addition to worrying about your intentions, the woman might also worry about the reaction of society. It's an unfortunate fact that women who have boyfriends, who go on dates, or maybe who simply hangs out with male friends are sometimes accused of being "slutty" or of being "easy" and judged harshly for both.

For example, I have read several answers from Indian men, right here on Quora, who say that they would not want to marry a woman who is not a virgin. Or who say that they would not like to have a girlfriend who has had several earlier boyfriends.

This is a double standard ! If you want women to date you, you cannot at the same time complain about, or shame them for, dating other people. Yet quite a few Indian men do: they complain that few women want to date them and/or have sex with them, but at the same time they ALSO say that women who date or have sex, are bad women.

Again, if I compare to the situation in Norway, there are big differences. If a Norwegian college-student has a boyfriend, her parents will be happy for her. They will say: "Congratulations ! How nice ! Do we get to meet him ?", and they will do this, even if it is her 5th boyfriend. (maybe not if it is the 50th - tolerance is not unlimited here either)

And the same will be true for her friends, including future romantic partners. I don't, for example, consider it a minus that my wife has a sexual and romantic history prior to meeting me, quite to the contrary I think that's great and would not want to have it any other way.

You should fix this !

If you can fix these two problems, then it's not any harder to date Indian women than any other kind of woman. Thus, if you're a Indian man, here's a few things you could to that would be tiny steps towards improving the situation:

• Do not harass or assault women yourself. This is so obvious that it hardly even needs saying, I suppose.
• If you witness other men harassing or assaulting women, do not silently accept it or pretend it's not happening, instead if you can safely do so, clearly signal that it's unacceptable. This will depend on the situation: if it's a friend of yours doing it, you should be able to tell him that he should cut that shit out.
• Call a spade a spade. It's "sexual harassment" not "Eve-teasing", teasing makes it sound as if it's innocent fun. It's not innocent, and it's not fun.
• Do not shame women who date, have sex, or hang out with men. Protest when other men do.
• If a woman tells you about having been harassed or assaulted, take her seriously. Do not brush her off. Do not say "boys will be boys". Instead, listen to her and offer support and whatever assistance she may desire.
• If you witness something, and you get a chance to talk to the woman, or you already know her, ask if she's okay and depending on the circumstances, you might want to offer yourself as a witness, by saying something like: "I heard what that guy said to you - if you want to report him I'll confirm your report."

I want to stress that I know that most Indian men are nice. Most are not guilty of doing anything horrible. It sucks that you nevertheless are met with skepticism and rejection, in an ideal world, there'd be a magic mark on everybody's forehead so that a woman could tell at a glance if you're a good guy or a bad guy.

But there's not. So that's why the current problem is a problem for everyone, and why a Indian woman might be skeptical to going on a date with you, even if you yourself act like the perfect gentleman.